A Bush Cabinet Meeting

Transcript of Bush cabinet meeting:

BUSH: Something needs to be done. There’s a good chance the terrorists could win.

CONDI: Al Qaida?

BUSH: Worse. Democrats.

CHENEY: The president’s right. Congress is in danger of falling to the enemy.

RUMSFELD: So what’s your October surprise, Karl?

ROVE: Start a war. People rally around the president in times of war.

RUMSFELD: What do you call that thing we have going on in Iraq?

CONDI: Yeah. People are rallying, but not around the president.

ROVE: We have to invade a country everyone hates so much they’ll forget about Iraq.

BUSH: I got it. California.

CHENEY: Look George, we all hate Hollywood here, but really….

CONDI: Besides, wouldn’t that piss off Arnie?

RUMSFELD: No shit! Did you see Terminator?

CONDI: And we’d probably lose their electoral votes.

ROVE: We would anyway.

BUSH: Well, what do you suggest? Iran? Cuba? North Korea? Venezuela?

CHENEY: France.

CONDI: France?

CHENEY: Yes, France. We can prove they have weapons of mass destruction.

ROVE: And they’ll surrender so fast we’ll have a victory parade before election day!

BUSH: Besides, they got all them French sheet heads causing trouble.

CONDI: You mean rag heads?

BUSH: You heard me.

RUMSFELD: One problem. The Army and Marines are stretched really thin.

CHENEY: So, what forces do we have available for an invasion?

RUMSFELD: Private Sarah Lumpenfeld. I hear she’s good, but I don’t know if she could carry all that equipment into battle.

CONDI: We may have to rethink this.

ROVE: I’ve got it. Monaco.

CHENEY: Brilliant, as usual, Karl. It’s small. It’s unarmed. It’s decadent. It’s French.

BUSH: What about oil? Do they have oil?

CHENEY: I think they’ve got a gas station.

BUSH: Good enough.

CONDI: But what’s the pretext?

BUSH: They’re holding Grace Kelly hostage.

RUMSFELD: She’s been dead for years, George.

BUSH: Those bastards! Was she beheaded?

RUMSFELD: Maybe we should think of something else.

ROVE: How about terrorist financing?

CONDI: I see where you’re going with this. Monaco casinos. Rich Arabs. It’s a match!

CHENEY: That’s it, then. Monaco is a front for terrorist financing and we have to stop it.

RUMSFELD: I’ll send an alert order to Private Lumpenfeld.

BUSH: One thing. Who’s president of Monaco, just in case I’m asked…

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